Looking for a new place to call home? Sheepshead Bites has got you covered. If you’re house hunting, our open house roundup is a new feature to help you plan your weekend. And if you know of a great place on the market or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact advertising [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

Two Bedroom Co-Op in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $339,000

Viewing: August 31, 1 p.m. – 4 p.m.

Location: 2626 Homecrest Avenue

Description: There’s a lot of closet space and the kitchen, while not huge, can hold a small table with chairs for those lonely meals.

Contact: Viktoria Dubrynskaya, (347) 251-4343

A Ranch Home With a White Picket Fence in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $309,000

Viewing: September 7, 1 p.m. – 3:00 p.m

Location: 3800 Brown Street

Description: The realtor asks why live under the rules of a Co-Op when there are places like this on the market? This two bedroom abode is technically its own individual house but the inside is much like a Co-Op. Mainly, small and cramped. But that’s the price you pay for liberation.

Contact: Anthony Alotta, Fillmore, (718) 253-4040

Three Bedroom Condo in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $499,000

Viewing: August 30, 11 a.m. — 1:00 p.m.

Location: 3814 Shore Parkway

Description: All of the rooms are tastefully furnished and decorated. There’s even a few different colors on the walls. Let’s just hope that if you buy this three bedroom condo they don’t remove it all (and rip down the walls) and say, “just kidding, nothing in this country is free.” That’s what dad would do.

Contact: Evelyn Seales, NY Missions R E Brokerage,  (631) 816-6053

If you know of a great place on the market or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact advertising [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

Looking for a new place to call home? Sheepshead Bites has got you covered. If you’re house hunting, our open house roundup is a new feature to help you plan your weekend. And if you know of a great place on the market or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact advertising [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com. 

Three Bedroom Penthouse Condo in Manhattan Beach

Price: $1,075,000

Viewing: August 17, 12 p.m. – 3:00 p.m.

Location: West End Avenue

Description: There are more terraces than bedrooms. Also, the elevator opens directly into the apartment so, if you’d like, think of the elevator as another room, or perhaps a mobile walk-in closet.

Contact: Katherine Pontone, Bright Horizons, (718) 615-3054

Two Family Home in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $679,000

Viewing: August 17, 1 p.m. – 3:00 p.m.

Location: 1950 East 24th Street

Description: This house is “detached” and also has a “detached” garage. What was this house once attached to and who felt the need to remove it? Perhaps, the realtor means that the house and garage are emotionally detached and therefore cool headed. Having anthropomorphized this house enough, go check it out this Sunday.

Contact: Pepe Real Estate, (718) 475-6817

Two Floor House in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $1,299,000

Viewing: August 17, 1 p.m. – 3:00 p.m.

Location: 1760 East 19th Street

Description: The basement is semi-finished and the second floor is “a 3 or 4 bedroom duplex.” What’s with the flip-flopping? Mid-term elections aren’t upon us yet so I say there’s no reason for that kind of behavior. The attic has one lone bed with windows behind it, lending it a very royal atmosphere.

Contact: Lucy Ciocia, Fillmore, (917) 746-5226

Two Bedroom Condo in Gravesend

Price: $387,000

Viewing: All weekend, 3:00 p.m. – 5:00 p.m.

Location: 526 Avenue Z

Description: Do you wish to own property but are too attached to living extremely close to strangers and walking up several flights of stairs? Well then you can own this thing called a condo and it’s basically buying property that doesn’t actually touch the ground. There are two bathrooms and a balcony sprawled across 1,021 square feet.

Contact: Angela Friedman, Fillmore, (917) 916-4418

If you know of a great place on the market or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact advertising [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com. 

Ermagud, cat! (Source: Citi Habitats)

Looking for a new place to call home? Sheepshead Bites has got you covered. Our rental roundup showcases some of the deals on the market now. If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

Three Bedrooms in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $2,700

Location: Batchelder Street and Voorhies Avenue

Description: With high ceilings, many windows, a realtor that refers to himself in the third person and a balcony, this apartment is a catch. There’s also a cat in one of the pictures, hiding in a box. You wouldn’t have noticed this if I didn’t point it out and now your life is that much better for seeing the cat.

Contact: Albert, Citi Habitats, (917) 692-6628

Three Bedrooms in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $2,300

Location: 1205 Avenue Y

Description: This apartment has French doors, giving it an open atmosphere. There’s two bottles of wine in the fridge (amount unknown), a bottle of orange juice (full) and a half-empty water bottle. All coming together to make a great apartment.

Contact: Coldwell Banker, (718) 621-2000

One Bedroom in Gravesend

Price: $1,600

Location: Ocean Parkway

Description: Using the word “flooded” in a positive way might not be the best idea for an Evacuation Zone A neighborhood. But still the realtor tries and for that you have to give her credit. And the realtor also writes that it’s rent stabilized.

Contact: Megan Kernan, DSA Realty, (917) 231-6289

If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

Double-decker kitchen! Hoorah! Source: Citi Habitats

Looking for a new place to call home? Sheepshead Bites has got you covered. Our rental roundup showcases some of the deals on the market now. If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

Three Bedrooms in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $2,700

Location: Batchelder Street

Description: With an elevated kitchen and a balcony adorned with flowers, this apartment is the best Sheepshead Bay has to offer – except proximity to the subway. The rooms all look very spacious and there is also parking available.

Contact:Albert Attias, Citi Habitats, (917) 692 6628

One Bedroom in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $1,425

Location:3280 Nostrand Avenue

Description: This apartment comes with all the embellishments of modern living. It’s cable ready, there’s an air-conditioning unit and the bedroom and kitchen are their own separate rooms. There’s even a doorknob on all of the doors!

Contact: Diana Abramov, DSJ Realty, (917) 804-7473

One Bedroom in Midwood

Price: $1,500

Location: Kings Highway

Description: The foyer has “extra bookshelf space.” The implication is that there is also bookshelf space somewhere else in the apartment or that there’s a bookshelf in the foyer. Either way, I like. But what I especially like is the idea of giving the grand tour to friends and nonchalantly mentioning the “extra bookshelf space in the foyer.”

Contact:Israel Barber, Zuz Realty, (917) 396-9552

If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

Source: Danrich Family Homes

Looking for a new place to call home? Sheepshead Bites has got you covered. Our rental roundup showcases some of the deals on the market now. If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

Two Bedrooms and Bathrooms in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $1,950

Location: 2797 Bragg Street

Description: This apartment has many claims to fame. There’s a lot of “trendy” bars in the neighborhood and it’s a “walker’s paradise.” But the true jewel here is the green plastic chair in the laundry room. It’s something to marvel at and all should be in thrall of its convenience and design.

Contact: Omar Dyer, Danrich Family Homes, (347) 785-0140

One Bedroom in Brighton Beach

Price: $1,750

Location: Ocean Parkway

Description: This apartment is located near the beach and according to the realtor it’s also near the Q train. There’s also parking available and the building has a pool. Just hope that these features aren’t one in the same.

Contact: Megan Kernan, DSA Realty, (917) 231-6289

One Bedroom in Gravesend

Price: $1,350

Location: 49 Nixon Court

Description: With the bold claim that this is the largest one bedroom in the Beach Haven Complex, it can’t be helped but to awe at the amazing effort shown by this realtor for checking each and every apartment unit in the complex. There is also 24-hour emergency service in the building, which might just mean there’s a fire-escape and if so, good job following regulations.

Contact:Ilene, DSJ Realty, (718) 266-3700

If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

Oh, hey that’s one of them fancy pools you hear about. (Source: Bond)

Looking for a new place to call home? Sheepshead Bites has got you covered. Our rental roundup showcases some of the deals on the market now. If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

One Bedroom in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $1,300

Location: Ocean Parkway

Description: Here is a “Doorman” apartment, not to be confused with an apartment that has a doorman. I’m too much of a plebeian to understand the delicate subtleties between these two differences. But believe “the” realtor. You have to be sponsored by the co-op, so make sure to elevate yourself past the plebeian level.

Contact: Mark Benson, Bond New York, (646) 645-4400

One Bedroom in Midwood

Price: $1,150

Location: Avenue O

Description: This apartment is standard in the fact that it has a small bathroom that passes as a “full” bathroom and hardwood floors. The realtor writes that the kitchen “will be renovated.” When? Before someone moves in or a month after signing the lease? Here at Sheepshead Bites, we ask the tough questions.

Contact: Adrianna Sitner, David West Properties, (347) 346-1508

Three Bedrooms in Brighton Beach

Price: $2,400

Location: Brightwater Court

Description: The bathroom in this apartment has new tiles but it looks like the wood floors haven’t been replaced. The kitchen has cooking space, instead of the usual ultra-narrow spot with barely enough space for a fridge.

Contact: Chauncey Palmer, Oxford Property Group, (347) 409-7970

If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

This apartment is so expensive, you’ll need to pay in gold or a few thousand Doubloons. (Source: Kian Realty)

Looking for a new place to call home? Sheepshead Bites has got you covered. Our rental roundup showcases some of the deals on the market now. If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

Two Luscious Bedrooms in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $1,888

Location: Brigham Street and Emmons Avenue

Description: This is the kind of realtor who has you in mind, like a considerate lover. And in this spirit, he writes, “To make best use of your time, give me an idea of what you’re looking for.” He then tells you that if you love this place, act “swiftly” because “its quite disheartening to be emotionally invested in a space and miss it by a small margin.” And this gentleman won’t let you get emotionally invested in something just to watch you lose it. I would continue to describe the apartment but that’s all the time we have for this segment.

Contact: Hannibal Collins, Kian Realty, (347) 985-0021

One Bedroom in Brighton Beach’s Trump Towers

Price: $1,500

Location: 44 Neptune Avenue

Description: This apartment is in a neighborhood that’s “full of life.” I’m wondering which neighborhoods are only half full with life, or completely vacant of life, but my deadlines prevent me from pondering such existential concerns for long. Also, there’s a balcony where you can take all this life in.

Contact: Ilona Vovk, Talk of the Town Realty, (718) 627-7500

Two Bedrooms in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $1,900

Location: East 17th Street between Avenue U and Avenue V

Description: With zoomed in shots of the bathroom sink and unusually low shots of the rooms, this realtor is either really into details or hiding the truth. Well we’re here to reveal the truth and tell you that this apartment has a dishwasher and dogs and cats are allowed. But you can’t have a ferret. But that’s not the realtor’s fault, it’s Giuliani’s.

If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

When looking for the right apartment, you generally want to have the front-door feature. (Source: AptsandLofts)

Looking for a new place to call home? Sheepshead Bites has got you covered. Our rental roundup showcases some of the deals on the market now. If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

One Bedroom in Midwood

Price: $1,675

Location: East 14th Street and Avenue O

Description: This realtor really knows how to tug at the desperate strings. He notes that this apartment has a new air-conditioner unit. But are you desperate enough to pay this rent?

Contact:Michael Facey, AptsandLofts, (718) 954-2216

Three Bedrooms in Gravesend

Price: $1,800

Location: Crawford Avenue and Coney Island Avenue

Description: This is one of those apartments where the kitchen just seems out of place, like someone just plopped it into a random room and was too lazy to put it somewhere else. There is a private parking spot included in the rent and the apartment is located on the third floor.

Contact: Peter Chang, (646) 778-2260

One “Super Affordable” Bedroom in Sheepshead Bay

Price: $1,550

Location: Brighton Second Street

Description: While this is a decent sized apartment, calling it not just affordable but super affordable seems like an exaggeration. Unless of course you’re a Manhattan banker looking for a beachside apartment. Dogs and cats are allowed.

Contact: Hans Gonzalez, Bond New York, (917) 539-9418

One Bedroom in Brighton Beach

Price: $1,450

Location: Coney Island Avenue and Oceana Drive West

Description: This apartment has a huge living and a not so huge kitchen. Seems like a fair trade-off unless you cook (stop making the rest of us feel bad).

Contact: Zuz Realty, (718) 513-3763

If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

(Source: Citi Habitats)

Looking for a new place to call home? Sheepshead Bites has got you covered. Our rental roundup showcases some of the deals on the market now. If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

One Bedroom in Brighton Beach

Price: $1,550

Location: Brightwater Court

Description: Not only does this apartment have a kitchen, but it’s a “windowed-kitchen” and a living room with recessed lights. While we’re falsely enhancing the rooms, let’s also note that there’s a toileted-bathroom and bedroomed- bedroom.

Contact: Diana Zorovich, Citi Habitats, (646) 821-3698

One Bedroom in Midwood

Price: $1,250

Location: East 14th Street and Avenue P

Description: We’ve got a live-in super and an eat-in kitchen being sold by a highly motivated, high-tech realtor here. The bathroom has blue tiles with a matching toilet seat cover, giving you that pleasant bathroom experience you’ve been searching for all your life.

Contact: Zuz Realty, (718) 513-3763

One Bedroom on a Beach

Price: $1,850

Location: Brighton 14th Street

Description: Considering that this neighborhood has the word beach in it, any apartment here is considered to be on a beach. But how dare this realtor call our putrid sliver of beach “a” beach. This is “THE” beach. There is also no fee for this apartment.

Contact: Yuliya Lekh, City Solutions, (917) 482-0243

If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

(Source: Oxford Property Group)

Looking for a new place to call home? Sheepshead Bites has got you covered. Our rental roundup showcases some of the deals on the market now. If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com. 

Studio in Midwood

Price: $1,000

Location: Kings Highway

Description: How can a studio be “tucked away on a quiet tree lined street” but also have “public transit right outside your building”? Well, that’s the magic of a realtor. But the magic show doesn’t end there. Prospect Park is only “minutes away,” the realtor writes and then goes into a detailed description of the different birds, and bats, in the park. Powerful magic.

Contact: Lisa Diamond, Oxford Property Group, (718) 600-9433

Three Bedrooms in Private Home

Price: $1,600

Location: Gilmore Court

Description: While this apartment promises “huge” bedrooms, something we all hope for, they’re also “clean,” a truly lucky thing to have. Located on a very small block, Gilmore court is near Emmons Avenue. The realtor points out that the avenue is “famous” and you will have all the benefits of living near such fame, like shirtless old men meandering around in the summer.

Contact: Gulnora Nazarova, Continent Realty, (347) 210-2272

Three Bedrooms and “Closets Galore” in Manhattan Beach

Price: $2,900

Location: Amherst Street and Hampton Avenue

Description: Even with all my seasoned years (translation: months) I can’t figure out the jargon this realtor uses. So I will just present them to you here for your better judgement. There’s a modern EIK (possible translation: some kind of animal related to the elk? [Editor’s note: It’s an eat-in kitchen. What’s wrong with you, Eric?]). And there’s also a C/A (possible translation: the opposite of an A/C [Editor’s note: Okay, you got me.]).

Contact: Llarson, Cornerstone Real Estate, (718) 701-8470

Two Bedrooms in Gravesend

Price: $1,900

Location: Ocean Parkway and Avenue P

Description: At first glance, this apartment seems pretty standard, even on the nice side. There are new hardwood floors, a nice kitchen and large bedrooms but there are no windows in any of the pictures nor does the realtor mention them.

Contact: Sophia Kapassakis, Ardor New York Real Estate, (646) 266-7598

If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.