Click to enlarge
Longtime readers of Sheepshead Bites should know that I love – LOVE! – the sort of marketing that relies almost exclusively on superlatives, especially when the words used stand in stark contrast to reality.
Take, for example, the “most luxurious day care center” that, unfortunately, never bothered with the luxury of getting its employees proper background checks or certification. Or the luxury condos built right across the street from one of the city’s worst housing projects. Or the medical offices best suited for Dr. James Bond (actually, that one was pretty luxurious), or the “Imperial” class seating on Transaero flights that led us to ask if this kind of marketing is specifically targeted to Russians, and why.
We may never know the answer to that last question, but there’s no doubt that there’s an obsession in our neighborhood with marketing things as luxurious, gourmet or deluxe. And, occasionally, you get one that just jams a bunch of words together, like the marketing for 2409 Avenue Z, the old Tre Fratelli space.
Yes, “Super luxury oversized condos” are for sale there, with such amenities as, um, balconies, and, er, “automatic parking” – whatever that means.
In reality, the space is kind of small. It’s a triangular three-story building, with the first floor used for retail and parking (the “automatic parking” appears to be a car elevator, which actually seems more obnoxious than opulent). And, unless the plans have changed since we first reported on it in July 2010, those two floors of residential are broken up into five units.
So… what’s so Super Luxury Oversized about that? Well, I guess it sounds better than “Glorified Closet-Sized Apartments of Mediocrity .”
In totally unrelated news, Sheepshead Bites is proud to announce that we have eliminated our advertising and sponsorship packages and are now offering “Uber Luxurious, Premier Deluxe-ified Grand Gourmet Advertising Opportunities on our Palatial Webmansion, Paired with Sensual, Posh Sponsorship Opportunities.” Click here for details.
Opulance. We has it.