This apartment is so expensive, you’ll need to pay in gold or a few thousand Doubloons. (Source: Kian Realty)

Looking for a new place to call home? Sheepshead Bites has got you covered. Our rental roundup showcases some of the deals on the market now. If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

Two Luscious Bedrooms in Sheepshead Bay
Price: $1,888
Location: Brigham Street and Emmons Avenue
Description: This is the kind of realtor who has you in mind, like a considerate lover. And in this spirit, he writes, “To make best use of your time, give me an idea of what you’re looking for.” He then tells you that if you love this place, act “swiftly” because “its quite disheartening to be emotionally invested in a space and miss it by a small margin.” And this gentleman won’t let you get emotionally invested in something just to watch you lose it. I would continue to describe the apartment but that’s all the time we have for this segment.
Contact: Hannibal Collins, Kian Realty, (347) 985-0021

One Bedroom in Brighton Beach’s Trump Towers
Price: $1,500
Location: 44 Neptune Avenue
Description: This apartment is in a neighborhood that’s “full of life.” I’m wondering which neighborhoods are only half full with life, or completely vacant of life, but my deadlines prevent me from pondering such existential concerns for long. Also, there’s a balcony where you can take all this life in.
Contact: Ilona Vovk, Talk of the Town Realty, (718) 627-7500

Two Bedrooms in Sheepshead Bay
Price: $1,900
Location: East 17th Street between Avenue U and Avenue V
Description: With zoomed in shots of the bathroom sink and unusually low shots of the rooms, this realtor is either really into details or hiding the truth. Well we’re here to reveal the truth and tell you that this apartment has a dishwasher and dogs and cats are allowed. But you can’t have a ferret. But that’s not the realtor’s fault, it’s Giuliani’s.

If you know of a great place available for rent or are a broker representing a property you want included, contact nberke [at] sheepsheadbites [dot] com.

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  • jboy61

    I love how the first link describes the apartment being close to the B and Q subway lines… It’s on a long B4 bus ride away

  • ShadowLock

    Trump towers do not allow pets :(