Here at Sheepshead Bites, we are inundated with a deluge of craigslist listings peppering our news alerts, and while most go straight to the trash, an occasional odd gem will pop up that we simply cannot ignore.

Today we stumbled across a listing from a self-described “all-american man” in his mid- to upper-40s, willing to provide a free room in his Coney Island Avenue apartment. All you have to do to claim this free room is A) be a woman, and B) share a physical relationship with this 5’8, 170-pound treasure of All-American manliness.

Now, now, ladies. Before you choke back your vomit at the thought of this well-intentioned altruism, know that Adonis here also has a heart as big as the gaping hole in his basic grammar education.

“i live alone and I’m tired of having to find someone for my physical needs. i’m willing to take care of your needs as well the apartment is clean nice and you get your own bedroom (other side of apartment) !! but i think that a few times a week we can …..”

Come on, creepy craigslist dude! Have you thought this through? You just want to skip the whole dating game, move a girl you barely know into your home and start a sexual relationship? Are you crazy? Well, obviously you are crazy, but seriously… have you thought this through?

Does the woman in question have to have nooky with you every time you want it? What if she says no? What if she moves in and you decide you don’t like her anymore? Are you gonna kick her out after a week? There seem to be many holes (pun intended) in your grand scheme to override all the rules of courtship and decent society in an attempt to have a live-in sex partner.

Do yourself a favor: Take this ad down ASAP, give eHarmony another try, and never tell anyone you did this. Meanwhile, don’t mind us as we laugh at you forever.

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  • http://openid.aol.com/bugw24 Bugg

    I believe this arrangement defines the word “prostitution”. See also section 230.00, a Class B misdemeanor, of the New York State Penal Law-”A person is guilty of prostitution when such person engages or agrees to engage in sexual conduct with another person in return for a fee”.

    • http://www.brucebrodinsky.com Bruce B

      ok, I admit it, I’m guilty.

  • http://www.brucebrodinsky.com Bruce B

    Didn’t think Levp still advertised on Craigslist.

    • levp

      Don’t have to. Best advertising is a word-of-mouth, you know!

  • ShadowLock

    Someone should tell this fella about Jdate or Eharmony….. You know just so we’re clear, Jdate is Awesome! I met my wife there :D

    • http://www.sheepsheadbites.com/ Ned Berke

      Manti, is that you? ;)

    • peppertree5706

      What if he is not Jewish?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisanne001 Lisanne!

    Hasn’t he ever seen “Play Misty For Me”?

    • http://www.brucebrodinsky.com Bruce B

      Do you have thing for that movie? Move over, so do I!

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisanne001 Lisanne!

        Oh yes, that movie still gets me, even though I know every turn in the plot.

  • Kapoophah

    Mmm-MMM! Sounds like a real prize! Finally, my ship has come in – it’s beyond uncanny – have you any idea how long I’ve wanted to live on Coney Island Avenue?!? It’s been a lifelong dream of mine – & if it’s next to a gas station, even better! This is all too much too take – I’m definitely not worthy! Oh, please tell me he also doesn’t shower, is bald & wears stained putrid boxers & wife beater, sitting at the edge if his bed eating a disgusting frozen pizza, all the while belching & expelling his manly methane! Oh please tell me that…PLEASE!!! I think I just wet myself!!!

  • jboy61

    I AM A RAPIST PIG! After seeing GWaDT I wouldn’t do anything too shady ever again

  • Dawna

    For great time and hook up with me call me at:

    1 506-467-4870

    I’m in New Brunswick, Canada