Dick clark dies

I got Chinese food this weekend. My fortune cookie said “’Welcome’ is a powerful word.”

I got angry and crushed the cookie and crumpled the fortune and threw it all on the little plate with the little pineapple bits.

That’s not a fortune. Neither is the one I have pinned on my wall that says “Have a nice day.” And neither is the one I keep in my wallet that says, “Hallelujah!”

Come on, buddy. Remember the days when fortune cookies had real fortunes in it? They might not have been profound, but they at least kept up to their names.

It has been years since I’ve gotten a fortune cookie with a real fortune. And now, in 2012, I’m finally realizing why that is. And the answer, I think, is because it’s 2012. And Dick Clark died. And the world ends this year. And so we have no fortunes to tell.

Well played, fortune cookie makers. Well played.

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  • http://twitter.com/OfficialJoeyLz Joe Lou

    that really all makes sense now

  • ES

    There is also, potentially, a zombie apocalypse in our future.

    • ShadowLock

       the new acid, gets you so fucked up makes you wanna eat some faces!

  • ShadowLock
    • ShadowLock

      There ya go, a Fortune for you.

      • http://www.sheepsheadbites.com/ Ned Berke

        My true career aspirations in writing was to produce fortune cookie fortunes, not local news. I hope to one day be responsible for terrifying little old ladies with fortunes like “Don’t turn around, I’m right behind you.”

  • Tinman

    Didja ever get one that says, “HELP! I’m being held hostage in a fortune cookie factory?”

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisanne001 Lisanne!

    Ah, you fail to understand the inscrutable wisdom of the cookie.

  • ShadowLock

    i had the best one! let me see if i can find it
     

    • ShadowLock

       i felt like someone gave me the finger when i read it…..

  • BrooklynBus

    Too many lawsuits from people who did not get their fortunes come true. They’ve got to be careful now what they promise.

  • applegreen

    This weekend, i went to Pera’s cafe and lounge just opened on emmons ave, around the area where Siam Palace and China Max is. Its a turkish, cafe. With really comfortable seats. The food’s pretty good as well, standard prices. But the seats deserve an extra mention, they really were comfortable. It struck me as the kind of place that wants you to order a hell of alot of food and then lean back and be comfortable. 

    Just wanted to mention it. 

  • http://www.brucebrodinsky.com Bruce B

    Remember when Ralph Kramden inherited “My Fortune”….

  • ShadowLock