My girlfriend moved to a new apartment yesterday. She hired a Williamsburg-based moving company she found online. Three lanky hipsters turned up to her apartment; they were band mates who make their money moving other people’s stuff until they get an offer for a big record deal that they can then turn down because it’s too mainstream, then declare they’ve “made it” in the big N-Y-C, and move back to Pennsyltuckyville and leave inflated rents behind for the rest of us.

In the course of conversation, they asked about her boyfriend, me.

“Oh he lives in Sheepshead Bay,” she answered.

“Whoa, that’s, like, real-life Brooklyn,” one responded.

Always game, she shot back, “Like, ya, it’s all like real life, man.”

And now the Brooklyn Cyclones in Coney Island are in on the joke, too. At least we hope it’s a joke. The franchise is extending an open invitation to beardos of the flannel stripe, throwing a “Williamsburg Night” on Thursday, June 5.

The festivities include “special vouchers” for “any bearded fans” and a post-game run on the bases for those in “skinny jeans.” Oh, and let’s not forget the “Williamsburg music and art,” which we assume means a lot of vintage-filtered cell phone photos of kewl-looking people who have their faces turned away from the camera. There’s also a skeeball contest, because baseball just ain’t hip enough.

I can’t help but wonder if this is a serious offer or a joke meant to appeal to the hipster’s predictable – and exhausted – sense of irony. Or maybe it’s genuine, and the folks at the Cyclones actually think that hipsters like being described as hipsters, as if these kazoo-voiced, twig-shaped social dregs would say, “Like, yah, I’ve got skinny jeans and a beard and I totally love skeeball.”

Of course, we all know the first sign of a hipster is denial. “I’m not a hipster. I’m from Brooklyn. I moved here seven months ago and a homeless guy stole the iPad (the one my daddy bought me) when I was taking Instagram photos of graffiti in dark alleys in Williamspoint-Stuy, so I’m, like, def real Brooklyn.”

The whole thing is giving the folks over at DieHipster a kenipshit… and an idea:

Even the people who run the Cyclones are betting on a bunch of fully grown adult toddlers from Wiscofornia to show up in ball crushing, filthy, sweaty tight jeans and beards in the middle of the summer. What normal person wears such uncomfortable clothes in 80-90 degree weather? It’s all about the “look at me” factor. It always is.

… They are coming down and being exposed to Coney Island and normal Brooklyn which will give these ‘urban pioneers’ ideas to ‘help’ us and bring ‘culture’. On the bright side, what’s one thing that is plentiful in a baseball stadium? BATS! Hopefully this is just a trick to get a few hundred of them to show up and once they do the staff locks the gates, hands out bats to the normal Brooklynites and we get to pound on these bearded scumbags.

Whoa, that’s, like, real-life Brooklyn, yo.

Not really. Don’t hurt the hipsters.

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  • http://www.bigapplesewer.com/ Master Plumber

    Lets hope they can take a night off from occupying Wall Street to attend this “special” event!

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisanne001 Lisanne!

       The “Occupiers” are not superficial hipsters.

      • http://www.bigapplesewer.com/ Master Plumber

        Lisanne,  I was joking.  I don’t need to be corrected by you every time I make a post.  Laugh or don’t,  I don’t care.

        • http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisanne001 Lisanne!

          The supposition that OWS has some relationship to hipsters has ben used as the means of diminishing their seriousness. Hipsters are a politically diverse group. OWS is comprised of people from all segments of society.

          • http://www.bigapplesewer.com/ Master Plumber

            Whatever.  It was a joke and I think your taking yourself a bit too serious.

          • http://www.brucebrodinsky.com Bruce B

            Hey, I don’t care what y’all say about Occupy Wall Street pro or con. But when the article starts making fun of skeeball, then  you’re taking me on!

              I was introduced to skeeball by my grandfather in about 1964, I’d say. He took me to Stauch’s, which most recently was Steve’s Grill House (now Zamperla just put up his 3rd amusement park there). It had been a bathhouse, and might still have been, but it also had a game room.

               Then 1966 comes, we move to Coney Island. My brother and I accumulate over 1000 Stauch’s tickets playing skeeball. Maybe 2000. Maybe 3000 who knows. Then the place closes.

               Not only do we not get any prizes for our tickets, but we take the brilliant step of throwing the tickets out. Don’t know if they’d be  worth anything, but it would at least have had historical value.

               I’ve long since lost any skills I had at skeeball from being obsessed, but I will take anyone on, man, woman, or other (I can’t keep track anymore)  loser pays for some pizza at the soon-to-be-open Grimaldis on Surf Avenue.

            We just played a couple of games under the Wonder Wheel Saturday. Did alright, not great, resumed our tradition of giving our tickets to the nearest family with young child.

          • http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisanne001 Lisanne!

            I remember when Stauch’s closed. I think it was around 1970. They had hand cranked movie machines, which had cards with the movie frames on them. Looked like they dated from around 1900.

  • Old Sheepshead Hand

    Is this supposed to be like the Yiddish night and the other ethnic group nights? Or is this going to turn into a “Disco is Dead” blow-it-up style riot like that night in Chicago at the White Sox game? I fear for both…

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  • RealBrooklyn

    This reminds me of that Two Broke Girls episode where they had a “90s horse party” and charged hipsters $100 a head to party in a diner and ride their horse.  Of course they were all dressed as though they couldn’t afford $5 a head let alone $100.

  • http://www.brucebrodinsky.com Bruce B

    I don’t understand the bad attitude towards hipsters. I’ve taken to wearing the hipster hat lately.  I have age going against me, but hope to achieve some sort of “senior-hipster” status in the future.

       To me, they’re the latter-day  Maynard G. Krebs of society, and that character is my absolute hero, and if you don’t know who he is, don’t bother ever to speak to me.

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisanne001 Lisanne!

      It is possible, you know, that some of the “hipsters” don’t know who Maynard G. Krebs is. That was another time, and I wonder when that TV show was last seen in syndication.

      • http://www.brucebrodinsky.com Bruce B

        I can forgive young people for not knowing him. However, if I need to be exposed  to the hipster culture, they need to be exposed to the immortal Maynard G. Krebs.

  • bayparkway

    your revolting nativism shows just how deluded and disconnected you are from any understanding of a Real Brooklyn–a borough of immigrants. 

    signed,
    Bensonhurst–gonna-gut-you-with-a-skrewdriver-you-sheepshead-lily-white-twat–Bro, a real brooklynite, 20-year resident, born in another country 

    • nolastname

      ROFLOL at YOU.

  • http://www.brucebrodinsky.com Bruce B

    Lisa:
        Yeah yeah yeah! Those moving pictures, you jogged some cobwebs out of my brain! Literally, they were pictures that moved! Great stuff!

        There was also a baseball game there, with all the modern ballplayers  featured: Charlie Gehringer, Hank Greenberg, Lou Gehrig   :)

         I’m starting to miss that place.

         I didn’t think it lasted till 1970, but you might be right, judging from the number of tickets we were able to accumulate.

         I’m missing that place seriously right now.

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisanne001 Lisanne!

      If it’s the baseball game I’m thinking of, it was in the front and had flippers like a pinball game. It was near the drivers test game, which had the most awful film background, and a plastic car which moved from side to side. I loved that one, it was low to the ground and very comfortable when I was 11 or so.

      I played the skeeball but never got very good at it. I seldom could get the ball into the center ring.

      There were still a number of arcades open after Stauch’s closed but none of them had the really old machines that made Stauch’s the place I liked going to. I was miserable for weeks after they closed.

  • http://kibblesbits.wordpress.com/ Ann

    Who didn’t see this coming? Mermaid Parade, then that music festival thing, that looked like all of St. Marks Place packed up and went to the beach for the day…and it’s been what, six years since I’ve been to CI?  Soon you’re going to have to all live on houseboats, the hipsters will just push deeper and deeper into Brooklyn…

    • applegreen

      House boats you say??? Hmmm… I dont think i’d mind 

  • Allanb

    Hipsters are not a protected, indigenous, or dying breed. They’re fodder for the rest of us.

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  • 90SBROOKLYN

    Hipsters will come and spike up the rent from1100 for a 2 bedroom apartment to $3000.If this is what you want then your a moron.If I see hipsters running around playing adult kickball games during work hours I WILL make there life a living hell until they go back.And if I see 1 fuqin artisinal mayonaise store I will firebomb that shit,or $11 coffee shops where every been was massaged by hipsters and read a story book before being grinded…now i’m pissed..getting my potato gun heading to williamsburg now

  • guest

    One of the major problems here is that they are doing this on a jersey night. I am willing to bet the organic farm that a large majority of these rent raising assclowns have no clue what a jersey or even a baseball is. Real fans should not have to be disappointed because Josh and 20 of his friends show up for a freebie that they will throw some “authentic coney island dirt” on from the field and display in their loft studio as “art”. Who wants to watch a bunch of these attention starved fools run the bases? All this does is give them the spotlight and attention they crave and they seriously believe people are going to care when in reality it just brings on disgust. 

  • Kool4Coney

    As long as they spend tons of Money in our neighborhood and then GO HOME I welcome Hipsters from the Manhattan side of Bklyn :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/jasonlam.mightysweet Jason Lam

    It’s funny when I walk around Williamsburg, I hear people remark how there’s too many fuckin hipsters. Then I turn around and they look just like everyone else there.

    Anyway no need to hate. That’s not what Tebow would do.

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