So get this: instead of doing the work I was supposed to do this weekend, I retreated into the great multimedia bunker that is my brother’s apartment. I spent the entire time playing and beating Assassin’s Creed 2 on Playstation 3, projected onto a wall in high-definition and a sweet stereo sound system.

I’m not a big video game guy, but that was a good weekend.

However, now my eyes hurt, everything is sore, and my brain has the consistency of pudding. I’m way beat, and the only thing I can think of is kicking Templar ass.

Sorry, but this is going to be a slow Monday.

However, here’s something to mull over. If we were to put together a spoof episode – or clip reel – of television’s smash sensation Jersey Shore, and we titled it Sheepshead Shore, what would it be like?

Who would the characters be? What would be their stereotypes? Their dance? Their nicknames? Where would they work? What would they look like? What kind of crap would come out of their mouths?

Now, for those who don’t watch the show, or have seen it and think it’s stupid, please don’t leave rants below about how bad the show is or what it has to say about America’s intelligence. We know. It’s bad. It makes us all stupid.

Sheepshead Shore will be better. I promise.*

*Promises from Sheepshead Bites staff are not an assurance, nor a guarantee, nor a promise. In fact, they’re totally worthless. The promises and the staff.

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  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisanne001 Lisanne!

    I knew it was a bad idea to check and see what you had written before I was completely awake. In my semi-conscious state the idea of a Sheepshead Shore TV show makes absolutely perfect sense.

    But as I haven't watched this show I will have to become better acquainted with it before offering parallels or variant ideas.

    A show about Sheepshead Bay has got to be marketable. We have more characters here.

  • noname

    some of the name would def be alex mike boris , olga marina natasha…work would be cell phone stores and medical offices, hang out plACES EL greco, sushi places, THE BAY. wearing Armani shirts, juicy(girls) pants, guy in 7 jeans, wearing gucci glasses, with a ed hardy hats, it be fun lol .NOOOT

  • http://www.bksouthie.com/ Brian Hedden

    I know you said not to do this. But c'mon. You freely admit that your brain = pudding and then you segue into Jersey Shore. Ned, low-hanging beam. Vwap!!!

    Not related at all: I haven't played Assassin's Creed, but I know Melissa Kaplan does the female vocals on the soundtrack, and she's awesome.

  • http://www.facebook.com/alobova Alevtina Lobova

    Omg, NO! Not all russians are like this, I am SOOOOOOOOO tired of these stereotypes. I came here from Ukraine when I was 4 and I am just as American and Brooklynese as any of you. Those Russians who wear those brand name clothes are loaded (and not all of us are loaded, Im fine with my Aeropostale shirts and 20 dollar jeans), and if you were loaded wouldn't you wear name brand too?
    I have so many Russian American friends who despise and disprove these stereotypes along with me, and peoples comments have made me read sheepsheadbites less because it's upsetting to see that my neighbors have so much ignorant hatred for me.
    And cell phone stores andmedical offices? Ok so I work at an optical, close enough, one friend works in speech intervention the other works in a mall selling makeup, the other works as a job developer, we can do other things too ppl! Jeez, when someone stereotypes your people, who ever they are, I bet theyy are not all true and u get pretty offended, so take that into consideration next time you are about to make an ignorant remark like that.
    P.S. See, my name isnt Boris, Natasha, Olga, Marina or any of that, thanks!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisanne001 Lisanne!

    Now I think that those of us who aren't Russian would be offended by nonames comment. After all, not everyone in Sheepshead Bay is Russian, which could be implied by the content of that post.

  • http://www.njluxurymotors.com Arthur Borko

    Alevtina, don't let a few people's comments discourage you from posting here. We need more gorgeous russians like you to post here so their voices arent the only ones heard.

    Also don't let the sarcasm get to you. Stereotypes are Stereotypes and people of that kind DO exist, but nobody here, at least not me, thinks that everyone fits under that definition. Myself especially. I'm an American Born Russian and I'm nothing like any of those depictions.

    Keep coming back Alevtina!

  • http://twitter.com/PayPaul PayPaul

    Yeah, we've got characters here. Pretentious types who think they are Manhattan socialistas, wannabe gang members and misfits who seem to swim underneath the radar in spite of their animal like behavior. The cell phone and noisy ipod abusers are everywhere though.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/paypaul/1395366086/

    We've never had a “Shore”. We could always call it “Sheepshead? Sure!” Y Not!

  • http://www.nedberke.com Ned Berke

    Ally, you're right, in the same way that many Italians out there are watching Jersey Shore and pointing out that it's not what Italians are like. This was meant to be a silly post, so of course the silly stereotypes are going to come out.

    That being said, when I first started musing about the idea, it wasn't just Eastern Europeans on my mind. Sheepshead is way more diverse than the Jersey Shore, so I saw (stereotypes of) Russians, fishermen, blue collar types, gangstas and wannabes, etc. I have to admit, I also figured they'd work in a cell phone store or sushi shop, just because of the sheer number of them.

    Now – overall I can sympathize with your reaction about people here having some bigoted perceptions of their neighbors. But I also think it's a bad reason to leave. Sheepshead Bites has started a dialogue and exposed some of those raw feelings, and more than a few people have already come to me and said their views have changed. Shoot, my own views have changed.

    So I encourage you to stay around, despite Arthur's creepy come-ons ( ;P ) and help move the discussion along in more open-minded ways.

  • noname

    my comment was exactly that a sarcasm just as many many italian/americans say that they are not like the ppl on the shore, same as the Russian aren't all Armani and Gucci, and being myself a Russian i can say that and not be afraid of any criticism or being called a stereotypical person, Yes some are and many many manya rent, whoa re hard working guys and girls, who try to differentiate ourselves(myself) from a typical “the russian” look. so nothing but respect to italians,russian, greeks etc etc.
    NONAME (alex:) )

  • http://twitter.com/PayPaul PayPaul

    I can't believe that is all there is to Sheepshead Bay. As I've said, characters abound here and I've seen all kinds of Russians….Chinese….Italians….Jews….Germans…little green men from The Spacecraft factory on Sheepshead Bay Road.

    I seriously have never heard of nor seen Juicy Panted tantalizing Tashas around here. Maybe they only come out on Tuesday Nights when it snows in July.

  • http://www.facebook.com/alobova Alevtina Lobova

    See I know that this post was supposed to be just for fun, but I guess it drove me over the edge, because it was not the first time I have seen comments like this on some of the other posts. Im sorry if I came off a little strong, I'm just so tired of hearing it…But thanks guys! I definatly will post my opinion more often!

  • http://www.flickr.com/knightmare6 Phil

    Atta girl! Now go get that restraining order against Arthur :P

  • http://www.njluxurymotors.com Arthur Borko

    I'm gonna get you Phil! *shakes fist*

  • Natascha_NYC

    Alevtina,
    The point of the “show” is to lampoon these stereotypes. Lord knows, not every Italian American is like those portrayed on “The Jersey Shore” but those are the stereotypes that are shown.
    There might be a Natasha and Boris but there should also be a Moisha and Esther as well. I worked on Sheepshead Bay Road for 7 years so I know that only having Russian/Americans would only be showing part of the population.

  • bagels

    Leave it to MTV to lead the charge for quality entertainment. They also have a program called Silent Library that has absolutely no socially redeeming value whatsoever. I hate to admit it but it's ridiculously funny.

  • http://www.bksouthie.com/ Brian Hedden

    I'm kinda curious – since you are Ukrainian, how do you feel about ALL Russian-language speakers being called Russians? At the place I worked a few years ago, there was a department staffed largely by a group known collectively as “The Russians” (unusual for Connecticut), but that mix included Ukrainians, Georgians, etc.

  • http://www.njluxurymotors.com Arthur Borko

    My Grandparents and Parents came here from Odessa. I think my grandparents speak Ukranian as well as Russian but I'm not 100%. In any case they've always identified themselves as Russains and not Ukrainians.

    I'm guessing it's kind of like the difference between Native Americans and Americans.

  • Larry

    They ripped off a Japanese game show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mUWDV-g-zE

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  • http://essay-factory.blogspot.com EssayFactory

    The advice is simple: For those who have not seen the show…Don’t try it. For those who like it, don’t worry, there are worse things to waste your time and is not a sin. Enjoy.

    Take care