Yesterday, my friend cursed me out and said I’m caustic. I was shocked. Not because it’s not true, but because he called me that, and he was serious.

My friend is an ass. We met freshman year of college. I always thought it was our shared loathing of things, behaviors, fads, sayings, hype, pop culture – whatever – that brought us together. We’d talk in a sort of circling negativity, and when the topic would at last lose momentum and collapse on itself, it – or we – exploded in a supernova of sarcastic wit that would put us in riotous laughter for days.

I know, as I’ve always known, my negativity – my causticness – had nothing to do with my outlook on life. I’m a happy guy, and I’m an optimist. But I’ve always been drawn to that grumpy humor. Nothing tickles me more than someone who’s dead set on a bleak world. My favorite Sesame Street character was Oscar the Grouch. I grew up with Married With Children – Ed O’Neil is a prophet of pessimism. In high school I quoted Professor Farnsworth’s lines from Futurama. To me, the unsettling darkness of a despondent mind is the stuff of comedic gold.

I don’t know what drove my friend to think similarly to me back then. I don’t know why he now criticizes for it, though he’s still doing the “Have you ever noticed…” routine and shitting on people’s achievements. And, after writing all of this, I’m not even sure what my point is.

I guess, if there’s anything to be learned, it’s that I have a damn good sense of humor. And my friend is a hypocritical douche.

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View Comments to “Open Thread Mondays: Who Me?”

  1. Ray Johnsonon 09 Nov 2009 at 1:41 pm

    Calling you caustic after cursing you out, is like throwing acid on an open wound. So, who’s the caustic one?

  2. Lisanne!on 09 Nov 2009 at 1:59 pm

    Its not that you’re upset with being called caustic. You’re perturbed at the hypocrisy not to mention the “Oh, I’m not like you” attitude. Coming from a friend, it’s just not acceptable at all.

  3. Ned Berkeon 09 Nov 2009 at 2:18 pm

    Hmm. Not sure I meant for the situation to be analyzed by others. I just wrote about it ’cause it’s the open thread – and this is where I take the opportunity to vent. Don’t forget that your comments don’t have to relate at all to what I’ve written. Feel free to swoon, praise, complain, moan, groan, teeter, tinker, bitch, blather, and blunder to your heart’s content about any ol’ thing.

  4. Lisanne!on 09 Nov 2009 at 2:29 pm

    I somehow knew you say that. But we’re your friends so we’re offended when anyone says something offensive to you.

  5. Lisanne!on 09 Nov 2009 at 2:32 pm

    I do have one thing. Is there any way that you can set up the means in which comments can be edited after submission? I do suspect though that it would require something setting up site accounts or something, which could be very complicated to accomplish.

  6. Ray Johnsonon 09 Nov 2009 at 3:04 pm

    This invitation to change subjects sounds too good to be true.

  7. Ned Berkeon 09 Nov 2009 at 3:07 pm

    Lisanne: We won’t be implementing the ability to edit your comments. Sorry, but it just opens up far too many logistical concerns. If you have a particularly egregious error you want corrected you can email me anytime and I’ll do it ASAP.

  8. clareon 09 Nov 2009 at 4:44 pm

    You are OK in my book Ned.
    Editing would be like falsifying paper work.
    If someone regrets what they said or opinion has changed
    then they should man (or woman) up to it and post another comment.
    Things that would be damaging or terribly, terribly offensive should be edited.

  9. clareon 09 Nov 2009 at 4:45 pm

    What I mean is once there is a comment there is no going back.

  10. clareon 09 Nov 2009 at 4:47 pm

    You could pay me to watch new input 24/7. lol

  11. clareon 09 Nov 2009 at 4:48 pm

    I probably missed the point. ICMU. (Icrackmyselfup)

  12. Lisanne!on 09 Nov 2009 at 5:13 pm

    Yeah Clare. I was mainly concerned about egregious spelling or omission of important words.

    You crack me up too. That’s a good thing.

  13. clareon 09 Nov 2009 at 5:42 pm

    Where’s Arthur B. ?

  14. Arthur Bon 09 Nov 2009 at 5:55 pm

    I’m here, whats up?

  15. local brokeron 09 Nov 2009 at 6:51 pm

    what about me

  16. Arthur Bon 09 Nov 2009 at 7:33 pm

    Has anyone here ever been to a Fire and Ice Grill?

    Me and my friend Steve went to one in West Nyack last week and it was AMAZING. I’ve been raving about it ever since. If they opened one in Sheepshead or Coney Island it would be the most awesome thing evar.

  17. BrooklynQon 09 Nov 2009 at 8:26 pm

    Places like that were big in Manhattan about 10 years ago. They were called Mongolian BBQ.

    I’d love a place like that in the Bay – but only Sushi Restaurants open here. I think it’s the special zoning.

  18. clareon 09 Nov 2009 at 11:44 pm

    Hi Arthur, Hi Local.
    Been quiet. good to see ya.

  19. Ned Berkeon 09 Nov 2009 at 11:55 pm

    I think this place might be getting too weird for me…

  20. Lisanne!on 10 Nov 2009 at 12:13 am

    Just go with the flow Ned.

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