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  • Grillin On The Bay - March 27, 2010

kingsborough-shop-cart1

This is the time of year when my depression sinks to a new low. It’s mid-August and college students everywhere are heading off to another year of higher education.

You see, when I was a lot younger, I was approached by some guys who said they were college recruiters. They told me I was smart, and offered me a scholarship, even telling me that I could do my GED while taking college classes. It sounded a little suspicious that a cart without a high school diploma could enter college (and that too, tuition free), but I trusted the guys. They even showed me their official Kingsborough ID’s.

So my mom (a single mother living on disability income), and I discussed it and we felt this was the best decision for my future. Asking me to look through the course bulletin and schedule of classes, the guys really got my hopes up high for my first semester. I had heard that Kingsborough Community College was the college by the sea with its own private beach, so I imagined myself sitting on that beach with my books doin’ my higher learning. I wasn’t so much interested in underwater basketweaving like the other carts my age, who weren’t admitted to the college, had advised me to take. It was the high road for me and I signed up for philosophy and math.

Fast forward 9 years. Yeah,  that’s right. I’m here at college. Kingsborough Community College’s shop — that’s where! Those liars brought me here to college, but I never seen the inside of a classroom.

Here I am living my life in this windowless room, where my main job is to carry tools, wires, and ropes around this generator room. I’m not a college student, I’m a shop cart. Those guys fed me lies about my future and told me I would get my degree. I’m getting a degree, alright — 95 degrees. Boy, do they keep the temperature hot in this shop.

Some might say those jerks never really lied when they said I was going to college. Sure, they brought me to college, but I haven’t seen a book since I arrived here. Only one of my evil captors still works in this department, Now as a shop steward.

Whenever we see each other and others are around, he treats me like a regular cart. But when the other workers can’t hear him, his taunts and cruel remarks cut right through me: “Hey, Cartie, Cartie, wanna go to college? I got a mortarboard just your size.”

Yeah, man, don’t be surprised when one of these cables in my cart makes its way around your neck. Not even a Ph.D. on parchment, printed with gold ink, can give me that degree of revenge.

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  • I can tell you that some of the Professors at Brooklyn College are about as smart, interesting and engaging as your garden variety Shopping Cart.
  • I used to wonder why Kingsborough College was in such a desolate place. Now's it obvious. They never could have gotten away with this sort of thing in Midwood. I bet that shopping carts even become professors at Brooklyn College.
  • Wow, another shopping cart duped into a life of false promises and unfulfilled potential. How tragic. You know, thanks to Ray's bizarre shopping cart fetish, I've started to wonder why the carts aren't available as a retail purchase for consumers. I mean, these photos have shown the carts being used for every conceivable function. Why hasn't the manufacturer of the shopping carts rolled out a model specifically for homeowners or for that matter street peeps who need a reliable set of wheels to transport their cargo? It seems to me that would reduce all the kidnapping and likely sexual abuse of shopping carts so often reported here. By the way, it's great to see you back in the mix here at The Bite, Ray. I was starting to think all the shopping carts found their way home.
  • Alex
    Ray, please do not use Kingsborough and college in the same sentence. KCC stands for Kingsborough Country Club.
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