(Photo courtesy of Paint and Alaska Seafood)
Last week, Sarah Palin visited the Big Apple to meet with some of the world’s major political leaders. Amongst others, she met with Afghanistani President Hamid Karzai and Colombian President Alvaro Uribe who were attending the United Nations General Assembly. I may or may not have sent her an invitation to visit us here in Sheepshead Bay, but I read in Time magazine that the governor’s personal e-mail account had been hacked. That may or may not explain why she went to visit Henry Kissinger in the same time that I slotted for her to come to Sheepshead Bay.
A visit to Sheepshead Bay would have been just the thing that Sarah Palin needed to bolster her image in New York. She enjoys fishing and her husband is a commercial fisherman, so I could just see her smiling from ear-to-ear with her catch while on the Sea Queen VII half-day fishing vessel, while her husband talks to the local fishermen about how to help revitalize the Sheepshead Bay fishing industry.
There are practically no Republicans left here in Sheepshead Bay, but there are still people who love fishing. According to Swamp Politics, fishermen have been a key supporter of her campaign and I’m sure that, had she visited Sheepshead, it would have been quite the bait she needed to reel in the dollars.
Governor Palin, another thing you would be would be glad about, here, in Sheepshead Bay, is our close proximity to Russia, so to speak. While we can’t really see Russia from our Sheepshead Bay Atlantic shore (thanks to Erik Rasmussen, of Erik’s Blog, we know you were just kidding), we don’t need to – with all of our Russian residents, it’s practically like traveling to Russia – and the best part is you won’t even have to mess up that brand new passport with any visa stamps. I’m sure that interacting with all of our Russian immigrants will help you with foreign policy relations.
The New York Daily News reported that Sarah Palin and her family stayed in a $707-a-night hotel in Manhattan. Wouldn’t it have been more fitting for the ‘I cook dinner for my family and fired the chef at the gubernatorial mansion to save taxpayer money’-frugal politician to stay at the Comfort Inn or the Brooklyn Bay Western? I mean, she wouldn’t have to worry about anyone hounding her there, since she might have been able to rent out an entire floor for the same price.
US Magazine also reported that Mrs. Palin had a tanning salon installed in her home, so she must be concerned about her tan fading while traveling. She wouldn’t need to worry about that while staying in Sheepshead Bay, because she could tan in privacy at her choice of our local area tanning beds at Coney Island Future Tan, Euro Tan, and EZ-Tanning.
As a basketball player in her youth, Sarah Palin was known as “Sarah Barracuda“, but had she visited us, we would have added to her association with powerful fish by crowning her “Sheepshead Sarah”. That has a pretty nice ring to it, doesn’t it Governor Palin? The Sheepshead fish is known for its ability to steal bait off of fishing hooks and, according to the Every Woman Counts campaign and Lifetime Networks, polls show that Mrs. Palin has helped John McCain do just that by stealing women voters straight off the Democratic fishing hook.
While Staten Island was expecting, but didn’t get, their campaign visit from the vice presidential nominee, we are still casting our fishing lines. A visit to Sheepshead Bay would be a very maverick thing to do and after tonight’s debate with Democratic Vice Presidential nominee, Joe Biden, it may be the one thing that Sarah Palin can do to get the masses on her side. Because, while career politicians go around making small talk with other talking heads-of-state and foreign policy geniuses, mavericks would probably like to get to know the little people.
We still have a whole month to hear from her. So why not, Sarah, whaddyasay? Sheepshead Bay could really use a little Sarah Palin media jolt! Maybe, your visit here could help call attention to some of the major issues that Sheepshead Bay is facing – especially the loss of the recreational fishing industry.
Maybe, you could get some of your Alaskan environmental conservationists to figure out how to stop Sheepshead Bay from losing its navigability and filling up with silt. And, isn’t there someone on your Pacific Ocean team who might be able to help us reintroduce the jailbird-striped Sheepshead fish back into our bay, here on the Atlantic side, so that we’re not just a namesake? Imagine the photo opportunity – Sarah Palin standing on our Ocean Avenue Bridge, though a tiny, pedestrian bridge is certainly not a ‘bridge to nowhere‘ in our eyes.
Please, RSVP soon, so we can have some time to save some parking space for the 10-car motorcade – we don’t want there to be any traffic mishaps that Pastor Thomas Muthee might blame on you (or anyone else) for the spell you’ve appeared to place on everyone.